Last week was the first week of byes, with several teams out of action. Week 4 is a stupid time to be already having bye weeks, so thanks, NFL! Off this week are the Dolphins and the Raiders, who played what can be loosely described as a “football game” in London last week. If this is the quality of NFL game Londoners are used to being exposed to it’s no wonder they prefer the Preimer League.
Last week, Kevin Roberts went 7-6 and I went 9-4, bringing our season records to 36-24 for him and 39-21 for me. Once again: Suck it, Roberts!
On to Week 5, starting with tonight’s tilt between the Vikings and Packers:
Kevin: 7-6 36-24
Taylor: 9-4 39-21
Minnesota Vikings (2-2) @ Green Bay Packers (2-2)
Kevin Roberts: Packers – Christian Ponder might be coming to Lambeau on Thursday night. That’ll do it.
Taylor Smith: Packers – If Teddy Bridgwater were to start I’d have interest in watching this game, but with the corpse of Christian Ponder likely under center for Minny it’s shaping up to be another good ol’ Thursday Night Blowout.
Chicago Bears (2-2) @ Carolina Panthers (2-2)
Kevin: Bears – Carolina looks like trash and the Bears are somehow 2-0 on the road. Here’s hoping Jay Cutler doesn’t go all Jay Cutler on us.
Taylor: Panthers – I don’t know why I’m doing this, but the NFL is random as balls so Carolina will come back from the dead and probably somehow win this game. Even though they have no living running backs.
Cleveland Browns (1-2) @ Tennessee Titans (1-3)
Kevin: Browns – The Titans are turrible. The Browns aren’t amazing, but they can run the ball and Brian Hoyer isn’t making mistakes. Plus Johnny Manziel might catch a pass or itch his crotch or something.
Taylor: Browns – I really have no idea how the Titans were able to manhandle the Chiefs on the road in Week 1. It’s mind-boggling.
St. Louis Rams (1-2) @ Philadelphia Eagles (3-1)
Kevin: Eagles – Austin Davis is going to go try to beat the Eagles in Philadelphia. Austin freaking Davis.
Taylor: Eagles – Philly could easily be 0-4, but they’re not. I really don’t have much to add here. Juuuust killin’ time.
Atlanta Falcons (2-2) @ New York Giants (2-2)
Kevin: Giants – Atlanta is seriously bad on the road, while their defense is bad no matter where they are. Well, unless they’re facing the Buccaneers.
Taylor: Giants – I’m pretty sure the last time the Falcons visited the Giants they scored 2 points in a fucking playoff game, which is definitely worse than getting shut-out.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-3) @ New Orleans Saints (1-3)
Kevin: Saints – Home cures all that ails these Saints. They’re not doing a damn thing this year, but they surely can demolish Mike Glennon in the dome.
Taylor: Saints – If the Saints lose THIS game…
Houston Texans (3-1) @ Dallas Cowboys (3-1)
Kevin: Cowboys – In the battle of Texas I’ll take the team that actually has a quarterback. BURN!
Taylor: Cowboys – Dallas’ defense isn’t statistically any better than it was last season through the first month, but that offense is a-rollin’.
Buffalo Bills (2-2) @ Detroit Lions (3-1)
Kevin: Lions – Kyle Orton is going to lead the Bills into Detroit. That’s going to go FANTASTIC.
Taylor: Lions – This would be a very Lions game to lose, but Kyle Orton.
Baltimore Ravens (3-1) @ Indianapolis Colts (2-2)
Kevin: Colts – Baltimore is good enough to get the upset, but Indy is a team possessed right now. I refuse to bet against Andrew Luck.
Taylor: Ravens – I will bet against Andrew Luck.
Pittsburgh Steelers (2-2) @ Jacksonville Jaguars (0-4)
Kevin: Jaguars – Upset! I nailed an upset in each of the last two weeks and here’s my third, hopefully. Toby Gerhart can run against this sorry sacked team and Blake Bortles should be able to challenge them a bit, too.
Taylor: Steelers – If the Steelers lose to the Buccaneers and Jaguars in back-to-back weeks then they should just fold the entire organization and let Bain blow up Heinz Field.
Arizona Cardinals (3-0) @ Denver Broncos (2-1)
Kevin: Broncos – Denver and Arizona are both fresh out of their byes, but only one of these teams has Drew Stanton under center.
Taylor: Broncos – My preseason prediction that Arizona would finish ahead of San Francisco is looking decent so far, but I can’t imagine them winning in Denver.
Kansas City Chiefs (2-2) @ San Francisco 49ers (2-2)
Kevin: 49ers – KC needs to run the ball to win this game and it won’t happen in San Fran. It would be nice to see Alex Smith get some sweet VENGE, though.
Taylor: Chiefs – I don’t buy the 49ers at all. Kaepernick is sooooo sketchy.
New York Jets (1-3) @ San Diego Chargers (3-1)
Kevin: Chargers – I might pick the Jets if I thought Geno Smith was on the verge of greatness, but he’s not. He just really is not.
Taylor: Chargers – The Chargers getting off to a hot start? WHAT.
Cincinnati Bengals (3-0) @ New England Patriots (2-2)
Kevin: Bengals – I’m split here, as it’s really tough to say goodbye to the Pats being this dominant, formidable presence. But they’re a sick, dying puppy right now. The Bengals gonna gets ’em.
Taylor: Patriots – On to Cincinnati.
Seattle Seahawks (2-1) @ Washington Redskins (1-3)
Kevin: Seahawks – I swear, if Kirk Cousins goes off and beats the Seahawks, I’m done with the NFL. Done, I say!
Taylor: Seahawks – Last Wednesday, I wrote a long thing about how Kirk Cousins is probably the answer and the future QB of the Redskins. Last Wednesday. I should be kicked off the Internet forever.
Photo Credit – Keith Allison/Wikimedia Commons
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