This season, Kevin Roberts and I are handling the weekly game-picking duties, and I suppose I may as well keep track of our records. Week 1 was rather unpredictable (Really, Patriots?), and it ended with yours truly owning a record of 10-6, while Seńor Roberts finished 8-8.
Will Week 2 be similarly wild? Surely! This is a day late, but just know I would’ve taken the stupid-ass Steelers to beat the Ravens last night. Of course, the Ravens thumped them by about a thousand. On to the picks.
Miami Dolphins (1-0) @ Buffalo Bills (0-1)
Kevin Roberts: Buffalo Bills – I can’t wrap my mind around a world that boasts a 2-0 Bills team, but Miami is going to be without all their starting linebackers. Bills with ALL THE RUSHING YARDS.
Taylor Smith: Miami Dolphins – While dem Bills have had a mighty fine week for themselves (they beat the Bears in Chicago and then sold for over a BILLION dollars), it’s hard to not be impressed with how the Dolphins began the season. I’m annually underwhelmed by Miami in general, but following-up a win over New England by losing to Buffalo would be…depressing.
Jacksonville Jaguars (0-1) @ Washington Redskins (1-0)
Kevin: Jacksonville Jaguars – Jax played pretty darn well for one half last week. Let’s make it two against the sad-sack “team from Washington”. Whatever the hell that means.
Taylor: Washington Redskins – I don’t really know why I’m picking the Redskins here, since they showed absolutely nothing offensively to convince me that they’re going to win more than like 2 games all year. But going on the road in back-to-back weeks is tough for any team, and I’m not sure Jacksonville is up to the challenge. I think the Jaguars are better than the Redskins, but the NFL is random as hell, so here we are.
Dallas Cowboys (0-1) @ Tennessee Titans (1-0)
Kevin: Tennessee Titans – Only the Cowboys could regress so badly that they come into Tennessee and get dominated by Jake Locker.
Taylor: Dallas Cowboys – Once again, there’s no real rhyme or reason for making this pick. The Titans looked strong in dismantling the weak Chiefs at Arrowhead last week, while Tony Romo was god-awful against the 49ers. I do think Dallas will be better offensively in this game, and I think they’ll pull out a squeaker.
Arizona Cardinals (1-0) @ New York Giants (0-1)
Kevin: Arizona Cardinals – Eli Manning is just awful. Carson Palmer is now vastly better than him. That’s saying a lot. Or definitely something.
Taylor: Arizona Cardinals – Holy SHIT the Giants are bad. They’d better not be in prime time again this season, because maaaaaan. They have absolutely nothing. Arizona wasn’t exactly convincing on the offensive side of things in their win over the Chargers last Monday night, but the Giants may be a bottom-3 team in the league.
New England Patriots (0-1) @ Minnesota Vikings (1-0)
Kevin: New England Patriots – I’m sure the Vikes are better than they were last year, but let’s keep in mind they beat THE DAMN RAMS. Tom Brady is ’bout to go cray cray up in herre.
Taylor: New England Patriots – The Patriots don’t lose back-to-back games very often, and I’m not fooled by the Vikings’ thrashing of the stupid Rams last week. St. Louis had a CFL player at quarterback.
New Orleans Saints (0-1) @ Cleveland Browns (0-1)
Kevin: New Orleans Saints – The Browns can’t close the deal on the Steelers and we expect them to keep up with an angry Drew Brees searching for his first win? Ha!
Taylor: New Orleans Saints – You can’t fool me, Brian Hoyer.
Atlanta Falcons (1-0) @ Cincinnati Bengals (1-0)
Kevin: Cincinnati Bengals – I actually like the Falcons, but they have no left tackle this week and Cincy is actually quite stout on defense. Also, it’s on the road.
Taylor: Cincinnati Bengals – We know historically the Falcons are quite a bit worse on the road than they are at home, and the Bengals looked pretty solid last week (until they almost choked that thing away). Gimme dat Red Rifle!
Detroit Lions (1-0) @ Carolina Panthers (1-0)
Kevin: Carolina Panthers – If Derek Anderson can get these Panthers by the Bucs, Cam Newton can get them by the Lions. Hey, Detroit fans, there’s nothing special about blowing-out the damn Giants.
Taylor: Detroit Lions – This is probably an idiotic pick because “Lions” and “self-destruction” are synonyms, but I don’t see how the Panthers’ offense will be able to keep up with that DET attack. Even with Cammy Cam.
St. Louis Rams (0-1) @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-1)
Kevin: Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Austin Davis. That is all.
Taylor: Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Uh, yeah.
Seattle Seahawks (1-0) @ San Diego Chargers (0-1)
Kevin: San Diego Chargers – Green Bay basically handed Seattle a win when they went out of their way to not use an entire half of the football field. San Diego is a tad underrated, so I’m calling upset. It helps that it’s at home for the Bolts, right?
Taylor: Seattle Seahawks – The Chargers struggled to handle the pass-rush that Arizona threw at them last week, and Seattle probably does that better than the Cardinals do. So, no, article title, the Chargers will not upset the Seahawks.
New York Jets (1-0) @ Green Bay Packers (0-1)
Kevin: Green Bay Packers – I can totally see Geno Smith destroying the Packers, and maybe he will. Aaron Rodgers will just destroy the Jets even harder.
Taylor: Green Bay Packers – Aaron Rodgers will be OUT FOR REVENGE.
Houston Texans (1-0) @ Oakland Raiders (0-1)
Kevin: Houston Texans – Houston is facing Derek Carr, so naturally they’ll be 2-0. Cuz that worked out so well for them last year, right?
Taylor: Houston Texans – It’s a shame that Matt Schaub won’t be playing in this game, because it’d be fun to watch the Texans take a pick-six back on him, for a change. Instead, they’ll just have to settle for getting a guy named Carr sacked a whole bunch for old time’s sake.
Kansas City Chiefs (0-1) @ Denver Broncos (1-0)
Kevin: Denver Broncos – No upset pick here. I didn’t know whether to believe all that “the Chiefs are dead” chatter. I do now.
Taylor: Denver Broncos – Maybe giving Alex Smith all the money wasn’t an ideal decision, Chiefs. Enjoy that forever.
Chicago Bears (0-1) @ San Francisco 49ers (1-0)
Kevin: San Francisco 49ers – Chicago can’t afford to go down 0-2 here, but it’s the friggin’ Niners on the road. They’re in trouble.
Taylor: San Francisco 49ers – San Francisco basically had their win giftwrapped for them by Tony Romo last week, but they can’t blow the home opener in their new park, right? RIGHT?
Philadelphia Eagles (1-0) @ Indianapolis Colts (0-1)
Kevin: Indianapolis Colts – Philly looks pretty legit, and could be downright scary once they play two complete halves. But Indy lost to Denver on the road. That told us nothing. I think they will hold serve at home in a shootout.
Taylor: Philadelphia Eagles – I’m not really a big believer in the Eagles being a Super Bowl contender this year, but I’m even less of a believer in the Colts. God I hate these teams.
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