Last week was another close week in the yearlong competition between Kevin Roberts (17-14 on the year) and me (19-12), but I don’t know why you’d give a damn about that at all. It really doesn’t matter. Also, we’re idiots and didn’t have our picks ready in time to pick last Thursday’s game between the Ravens and Steelers, so our records are sans one game. Brilliant.
Week 3 has a few super intriguing matchups including a Super Bowl rematch with Denver traveling to Seattle. We also have the solid Cardinals-Niners game as well as the Chargers and the Bills…*pauses for laughter*
One of the least interesting matchups happens tonight when the Tampa Bay Bucs head into the ATL to take on the Falcons. Aaaand that’s where we’ll begin.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-2) @ Atlanta Falcons (1-1)
Kevin Roberts: Falcons – It’s starting to look like Josh McCown is the backup quarterback we thought he was. Atlanta’s defense is trash but they’re at home.
Taylor Smith: Falcons – OF COURSE Josh McCown is the backup quarterback we thought he was. He’s 35 and has been around forever! A good few games for the Bears last year doesn’t mean he’s Tom effing Brady all of a sudden.
San Diego Chargers (1-1) @ Buffalo Bills (2-0)
Kevin: Bills – Buffalo continues their surprise start, half because “whatever” and half because the Chargers always do this.
Taylor: Chargers – I don’t really have any reason to pick the Chargers save for the belief that they have the better talent. The Bills are a nice early-season story, but how long can they really keep this up? The Chargers do tend to blow early in the season on an annual basis, but the Bills tend to blow all season on an annual basis. So…
Dallas Cowboys (1-1) @ St. Louis Rams (1-1)
Kevin: Cowboys – Dallas is better than people think they are. Not much better, but better. They can beat the damn Rams on the road.
Taylor: Cowboys – Winning back-to-back road games is tough, but I really don’t believe in whoever the Rams have at quarterback. DeMarco Murray’s two biggest games as a pro have come against the Rams, so perhaps he goes crazy again.
Washington Redskins (1-1) @ Philadelphia Eagles (2-0)
Kevin: Eagles – Philly is legit. They just need to start games better. Easy as pie against an overrated Redskins defense.
Taylor: Eagles – The Redskins can try to fool us into thinking they might not be so bad when they blow-out the Jaguars, but you’re not fooling me, Redskins!
Houston Texans (2-0) @ New York Giants (0-2)
Kevin: Texans – Eli Manning is suddenly going to figure it out against J.J. Watt? I don’t think so.
Taylor: Texans – I really want to believe my team is going to surpass its 2013 win total by Week 3 of 2014. The Giants are so horrible that if the Texans manage to lose I don’t know what I’m going to do. (NOTE: nothing)
Minnesota Vikings (1-1) @ New Orleans Saints (0-2)
Kevin: Saints – Minnesota is now one-dimensional and the Saints have their home opener. The Vikes aren’t sending New Orleans to 0-3.
Taylor: Saints – Much like the Vikings, I just want to get it right. And by picking the Saints to whip the shit out of the Vikings, I think I’m doing just that.
Tennessee Titans (1-1) @ Cincinnati Bengals (2-0)
Kevin: Bengals – This is a scary Cincy team that I’m finally buying into, while Jake Locker showed us last week that he’s still Jake Locker.
Taylor: Bengals – Good lord, how bad must the Chiefs be to have been torn to shreds by Jake freaking Locker two weeks ago?
Baltimore Ravens (1-1) @ Cleveland Browns (1-1)
Kevin: Ravens – Brian Hoyer had a phantom good game last week but Baltimore is the better team. I think he struggles mightily this week.
Taylor: Browns – Really I’m just taking the Browns here because we’ve picked every single other game the same way up to this point. Oh, and I don’t think the Ravens are very good.
Green Bay Packers (1-1) @ Detroit Lions (1-1)
Kevin: Lions – Detroit isn’t necessarily better than the Packers, but they’re at home and the Packers can’t stop anyone – let alone Calvin freaking Johnson.
Taylor: Lions – I’ve picked the Lions 3 weeks in a row. I don’t even do drugs!
Indianapolis Colts (0-2) @ Jacksonville Jaguars (0-2)
Kevin: Colts – Indy needs a win, and as luck would have it, a team full of dead bodies in the form of the Jaguars has presented itself. Hooray, a win!
Taylor: Colts – As much as I’d enjoy ALL of the schadenfreude if the Colts were to lose to the Jags, I’m not picking the Jags.
Oakland Raiders (0-2) @ New England Patriots (1-1)
Kevin: Patriots – New England has looked “meh” so far, but they’ve been on the road. Pats in a home opener against the Raiders? May God have mercy on Derek Carr’s soul.
Taylor: Patriots – I’m not one to fellate Brady and Belichick the way some seem to enjoy doing, but, like I just said, I’m not on drugs, so I’m not picking the Raiders.
San Francisco 49ers (1-1) @ Arizona Cardinals (2-0)
Kevin: Cardinals – Upset! Arizona is severely depleted on defense, yet they remain flat-out nasty on that side of the ball. San Francisco melted-down last week and they seem overrated at this point.
Taylor: 49ers – I picked the Cardinals to finish 2nd in this division ahead of the 49ers, yet for some reason I’m going against that here. Probably because Drew Stanton is going to be starting for Arizona. He wasn’t overly impressive last week against a Giants defense that is also not overly impressive.
Denver Broncos (2-0) @ Seattle Seahawks (1-1)
Kevin: Broncos – Third straight week I pick against the Hawks. They can’t win at home forever and whether Richard Sherman wants to admit it or not, they really did get exposed last week.
Taylor: Seahawks – The Seahawks can’t win at home forever, but this isn’t forever. This is in a couple of days. And the Seahawks don’t lose at home.
Except against the Cardinals.
Kansas City Chiefs (0-2) @ Miami Dolphins (1-1)
Kevin: Chiefs – Miami showed us last week that they’re still an inconsistent tease, while the Chiefs showed us last week that they’re not quite as awful as we thought. If they play it right, they can get their first win here.
Taylor: Dolphins – The Chiefs were a fraud last year, and now they appear to be hot trash.
Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1) @ Carolina Panthers (2-0)
Kevin: Panthers – Pittsburgh’s once dominant defense is no more, while a very feisty Carolina defense is at home. Sorry, Steelers.
Taylor: Panthers – Who keeps scheduling Steelers games in prime time? Even when they’re good they could not be more unentertaining. And they’re certainly not good.
Chicago Bears (1-1) @ New York Jets (1-1)
Kevin: Bears – New York is deadly up front on defense and Geno Smith actually seems competent, but that secondary is awful. Jay Cutler shall feast.
Taylor: Bears – Contrary to my point about the Steelers, I find the Bears to be highly entertaining. Mostly because of disinterested-looking Jay Cutler giving none of the Fs.